I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
