My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
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