I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
