Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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