who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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