No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
