Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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