I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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