And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
