never play flip cup with pint glasses
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
