My friends, they love my intelligence
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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