I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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