I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
