My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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