If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
