i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
