I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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