just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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