i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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