I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
