There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
