He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
