So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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