After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
