One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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