What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
