yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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