This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
