I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
soo... how was my night?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
