i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
