i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
