Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
