I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
