I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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