So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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