So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
