What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
