I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize