My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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