I showed him my bush... on skype.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
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My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
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True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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