for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Just puked most of my soul out..
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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