He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
