so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
