my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
