i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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