Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
