Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
