you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
