Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
