My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
