Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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