There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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