well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
