Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
